A LITTLE DITTY.

Courtesy of Sanchez and Skimpson:

HOMEOFFICEHARHAR.

I have been able to steal internet ALL DAY today and am all over it like I don't even know what. I haven't spent this much time on a computer in foeva, I am still in my pajamas, and have realized that this interweb thing is a LIFESUCKER.

There are so many useless hilarious things to do online that I don't know if it would be good for me to have internet access at home. I have been contemplating getting hooked up in my apartment, but my behavior today has raised some serious doubts.

I also just had coffee (half caff, for obvious reasons) and some Garden of Eatin' Blue Corn Chips for "lunch." Things are not looking good, even though they feel great.

I have managed to do some intense correspondence, had a long overdue g-chat with Josebee, googled like, a million new song chord charts for my ukulele, had my own private band practice, made an omelette, talked on the phone to The Sister, created a MySpace account for my band, talked on the phone to The Sister again, and thought about getting a haircut.

I have THREE full bars of wireless reception and about 4 hours until my bandmates show up for practice. I seriously need to lock it down.

Could I be a professional blogger and get paid for it? I would love that. I have so many things to say about, well, everything.

2 things that I am upset about:

1. Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn have apparently split up AGAIN. UGH. I LOVED them. Loved their volatility, but I'm getting annoyed with all of this back and forth now.

2. Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker are having twin girls via A SURROGATE?!?!? WHAT?!?!? I am so weirded out by this and I don't know why. I just am. Sorry.


MY VISUAL COMPARISON OF THE DAY:
(you might want to cover your eyes if you don't like scary things):

LEZLOHO! GO EAT A COW! PLEASE! YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!!!

I have to stop. I have to go to the gym and the bank.

Someone get me a job as a profesh-blogger, please.

HOLLA.

YOYOYOYOYOYO!!!

I had such a freaking abfab weekend, it isn't even funny. I had a B to the LAST visiting my framily (friends who are basically family), I went swimming in the lake, and the weather was off the chizain.

First swim of the season!!!
Don't worry, I did not impale my hootenany on that fence thing. I did a running start, got mega-air and totes cleared it, although The Sister was worried I wasn't going to make it.

It was a tid bit chilly, but I will swim in water of any temperature. I don't care how cold it is, I just have to swim.

Then I headed home to a fabulous evening of going out to dinner at a vegan place in Brooklyn, and watched a movie (The Visitor which you should all see). Sunday was full of burritos and gin & tonics with the oh so fabulous Wrenndolyn, and then a smashing band practice topped off the night. Our big show is this Saturday and I couldn't be more excited because we added an upright bass player to our group and she RULES. If you don't have plans on Saturday night, you should come to Brooklyn to hear us play on a rooftop. It is going to be EPIC.

*NOTE: please pray for clear skies on Saturday night. The forecast is not looking too good and I don't want to have to play inside. I want to play on the roof, dammit!

I have not worn pants in days (I have kept my Britney covered, obvi, but what I mean is that I am rocking the dresses) and I love it. The sun has been out, the birds are chirping, and my ghostly pale skin is feeling all tropical beauty like (even though it is still uber white...what gives).

Today the weather is much cooler, so I think I will have to put pants on. But, I am still basking in the glory of the past few days.

Lastly, I obviously need to thank Bea Arthur for being a friend to all of us.

She will be missed.
Let us always remember to stay golden.

DISCONNECTED.

Somethinsup with my interweb connection and it isn't letting me upload photos, so the post I just wrote is going to have to wait for the World Wide Web and Blogger.com to get it togetha.

FYI: I have been listening to Paul Simon like, a lot, recently.
FYI 2: I am not that worried about the Swine Flu. Should I be? I mean, it is just a flu, right? Does it make you barf or just give you a fever? I'm not that informed. I'm just going to keep washing my hands.
FYI 3: I am shedding a lot and I don't know what that's about.

Regarding my request for questions, I have received a spectacular list from SarahSouth and am starting to work on my responses. I promise you thorough answers and am seriously shocked that I have not gotten more questions. I basically said I would answer anything.

Come ON people. This offer will not last long.

YoMama: Still waiting for your q's...

BRING IT ON.

HAPPY FRIDAY.

Hope you don't get too sleepy.

I'm already having a fabulous weekend and will be swimming in a lake tomorrow.  Life is good.

ASK ME.

This post is a shout out to my fellow blogger, Yo Mama, who has voiced concern that I am not blogging frequently enough as I provide her with insight into the lives of the young, urban twenty somethings.

So, I have decided that if any of you would like to ask me any question in the whole wide world I will answer it.  Shoot away via email or on my comments wall and I will respond via blog post.

I could be opening up a terrible door here, but whatever.  You only live once.

XO to Yo Mama and the rest of you.  I'm anxiously awaiting your inquiries.

LOVE THIS.

I had one helluva weekend with Swendolyn in town and the gorgeous weather.  But now it is rainy and kind of steamy and I am so not into it.

But one thing I am into is MapMyRun.  It is a website where you can enter the route you ran or walked and it will give you your mileage.  I think this is perfect for city folk, and just running folks in general.

I love it.

I am also looking forward to reading this, which my dear friend Wrenndolyn recommended. 

It just won the Pulitzer for Fiction and is a, "set of linked stories about a gruff, 60-something school teacher in a coastal town in Maine."

I went to college in Maine, I love the name Olive, and I love good books.  Count me in.

And today I get to see Wrenndolyn in her play.  We met through a mutual friend who took me to see her in another show and within the first 10 minutes of being onstage, she fell, broke her wrist, and we spent 4 hours with her in the ER.  That is when we first fell in friendlove.

So, I told her today I was NOT going to tell her to break a leg because of our track record.  Please pray that she doesn't have any accidents on stage (she really isn't an accident prone person) because I'd really like to see this show uninterrupted.

Thanks.

FREE AT LAST.

Today I have officially left one of the crazies I do personal assistant work for. I have left the crack castle, the sun is shining, and I couldn't feel more relieved.

GLORY BE.

And I booked an audition for next week.

PERSONAL HIGH FIVE.

And it is supposed to be 68 degrees tomorrow.

GLOBAL HIGH FIVE.

And I'm off to scout at a reading that is going to have some stellar actors in it.

THEATRICAL HIGH FIVE.

And Swendoyln arrives at 8:30 this PM.

FRIENDSHIP HIGH FIVE.

And tomorrow is Friday, which is Funday.

SLAPHAPPY HIGH FIVE.

HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND. LOVE TO LOVE YOU.

OHKBAI.

TRIUMPH OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT.

Swendolyn just sent me this and, obviously, I wept a wee bit. We've both watched it about 10 times now, and you should too...They won't let me embed it, so you have to follow the link...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

I heart you, Susan Boyle!

AND!

I am STILL getting emails from the Online Christian Dating Service.

Oh Lord...

OF THE DANCE!

Bet you weren't expecting that one! Ha!

PIRATES AHOY.

This was sent to me by one of my favorite peeps, Sanchez, regarding my shout out to the Pirates. It is kind of hard to read, but it is a graph depicting the number of pirates killed by each prez.

Obama, obviously, is rockin' it hard, because that's how he rollz.

WHAAAAAA.

Holy, holy. And no, I don't mean that in response to Easter, but whatevs.

Life has been rolling on by and without internet access at home, my blogging life has taken a little bit of a vacation. I've been all up in my own biznass with band practice (we actually have a show coming up), work, getting my fitness on, writing some crazy stories, and being a thespian.

SOOO many things are going on in the world. A brief rundown:

LoHo and SamRo are Ovo, pirates are rockin' the high seas, Z'Fron hosted SNL in all of his lipgloss lovin' glory, someone asked Chris Brown to hold their baby, Amazon.com be hatin' the gays, and Fergie is stanking up the White House.

That picture never ceases to make my day.

Any of you homes ever watch Project Runway? Remember Kenley? The one who was stuck in 1940, had a major problemo with the 'tude, had a really hard childhood, blah blah blah? She got fined for throwing her cat at her sleeping ex-fiance. BRILLIANCE. Read below, from my steady news source (People.com):

"The cat fight's over! Former Project Runway season 5 finalist Kenley Collins pleaded guilty in a Brooklyn court Tuesday to a count of disorderly conduct, E! online reports. Arrested on March 17 for assault after allegedly throwing her pet cat at her sleeping ex-fiancé, Zak Penley, Collins, 26, was given a $120 fine and a two-year protection order prohibiting her from contacting her ex. According to the district attorney, the reality star's sentence was reduced because Penley never sought treatment. In a March 26 court appearance, Collins denied using her pet as a weapon, saying instead that she put it on the bed "gently." Initially, she faced a second-degree felony assault charge."

I hope I don't run into her in Brooklyn.

I hit up the movies TWIZICE this weekend. I know, right? Already told y'all about Lymelife, which I lurved, but also saw Sunshine Cleaning - didn't love it as much as the Lyme but I very much enjoyed it.

I have also started reading my horoscope online every day and when I like it I believe it. When it says something bad, I don't. It's great.

If you need eye liner, buy this kind because it is the jump off:

Bobbi Brown Long Wear Gel Eyeliner. The best.

I just did some serious ramblin'.

My good friend from high school is arriving on Thursday and we are going to have some seriously hilarious hilarity. Swendolyn is epic and he never fails to bring on the funny.

Smell ya later.

HAPPY BUNNIES.

Happy Easter, kids!  I will be spending the day running, brunching, eating chocolate, and maybe watching some movies.  I hope you all have loverly days.  And mayjah thanks to my madre for sending me my favorite Easter candies in the mail.  You da bomb bunny, mom.

Speaking of movies, tonight I saw LYMELIFE and I loved it.  You should check it out. 

 P.S.  I have realized the world is running short on Red Vines.  They only sell Twizzlers places, and it is really upsetting to me.  Twizzlers taste like chemical a**, Red Vines on the other hand are deelish.

SO GLAD YOU WERE BORN.

TODAY IS MY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is one hot lady and I hope you are all thinking fabulous birthday thoughts for her. Just like this guy.

I love you, Queenie. I'm glad you were born.

TODAY I'M JAMAICAN.

It is raining today, which means I can't really leave the house.

If I do, my pants or socks might get wet, I will get very sleepy and cranky, and will end up walking straight into a movie theatre or place that sells freshly baked goods and hot beverages. It is much better for everyone that I stay home, write, nap, drink tea and watch movies I already have. And, my rehearsal tonight is taking place right here in my very own apartment. Maaaaagic.

When I lived in Jamaica, one of my most favorite things was how the world stopped when it rained, especially when it poured first thing in the morning. People would sleep in, putter around until it let up, and then venture out to begin the day, even if that was at 2:00pm. If it was REALLY rainy, sometimes stuff would just shut down all together. It was glorious and it was the only time the buses weren't crowded to the p0int where your face was squished between a big Jamaican mama's ta-tas. In Kingston, my white friend Lauren who grew up in Westchester once slipped on the bus and landed pancake style, spread out like a star fish, with her face smack in the middle of a 55 year old, 300 pound Jamaican woman's cleavage. It took about 10 seconds for her to extract her visage from the lady's solar system sized bosom.

I still laugh out loud when I think of that.

Anyways, today is in dramatic contrast to my spring yesterday. And, unfortunately, I just realized I do have to leave my apartment for a few brief errands at some point today. They are all within a 4 block radius of my apartment and one of those errands involves the art store, which is busting with potential rainy day activities.

Stay dry. Don't go to work. And if you have to, just take a nap under your desk. I used to do it all the time when I worked in an office.

PUT SOME SPRING IN YOUR STEP.

It's here, folks!

I took this photo while I walking on the Upper East Side today and if this doesn't scream spring to you, I don't know what does. I am so ready for the nice weather, dresses, croquet, and swimming. I can't even begin to tell you. I just need to find someone with a membership to the SoHo House and then my life will be set.

And guess what? This is my 200th post! Holy moly! I can't believe it! Thank you all for reading my randomness and tolerating my insane opinions. I love each and every one of you.

Some things I am really into right now:

1. The 2 articles in the last New Yorker by David Sedaris and Woody Allen. Right next to each other. Laugh out loud funny. Go read them.

2. J Brand Jeans Scarlett Seven Eights. They are like 1950's cigarette pants, great blue color, thick denim, not too low waisted, perfect with ballet flats. Splurge? Yes. Love? Yes. Wear forever? Yes. Yes. Yes.

3. The song "Feel Flows" by the Beach Boys from Surf's Up. Crazy album with some weird songs and some great ones. I also love "Disney Girls."

Get yourself outside today and enjoy the sun. Life is good.