REGULATOR.

Apparently there was some sort of accident or maintenance going on yesterday on the 4/5/6 line.  So, when I was coming home from work I was lucky enough to have the good fortune of getting to squeeze myself on to the most crowded subway car I have EVER seen.

 

I had some old man's gut all up on my back, some short woman in my cleave, a middle aged mom in my right armpit, and my left arm was sandwiched between a big black ladies ta-tas.

Awesome.

As we approached 33rd Street, the doors opened and the mania began all over again.  A crowd of 4 middle school girls thought it would be a great idea to act like complete morons and they started running into the solid mass of people in the car while laughing hysterically.  This solid mass included me, as well as a mother and her young child and these hooligans continued pushing around long after they were already situated in the car.  

I was not amused.

The result of their unnecessary jostling was me getting more bump and grind from behind than I've had in months (but in a bad way) and a face full of smelly stranger's pit.  I swear to Swayze, there was moisture left on my nose after the pit-to-face contact.

This lead me to yell, "UM, LADIES?  YOUR SHOVING PEOPLE AROUND IS NOT EFFECTIVE AND YOU ARE HURTING OTHERS.  YOU NEED TO GET IT TOGETHER.  OKAY?"

As a few other passengers began applauding and shouting words of encouragement, the girls looked at me, completely shocked.  They completely stopped moving and, after a minute, I heard one of them ask her friend, "Does she work for the MTA?"

Brilliance.