Thursday, February 26, 2009


These past few weeks (and especially the past few days) have been filled with a higher level of stress than my normal life, for various reasons. At the end of the day today I needed a serious something on the rocks but my cocktail will have to wait until the weekend. There is too much to do!

The good news is that tomorrow I will be signing a lease with my roomie on a new fabulous apartment and I couldn't be more excited. I have moved A LOT over the past years, usually in 4 month increments, so I am beyond thrilled that I will be at one address for at least the next year. It feels super.

I just have to make it through to the end of Friday and then I am off for a weekend of respite and relaxation complete with a horse and a forest. No joke. I am really ready for a break from the city and this trip is going to be perfect. I will take photos and make you all jealous.

I am dying for this week to be over. DYING.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I would like to thank my two dear friends, Miz Millah and Natty Ice, for informing me that Heath was prominently featured in LAST year's Memorial Vid Montage at the Crapscars because he died LAST YEAR.

That explains that. Miz Millah even texted me within minutes of my posting. You people are my heroes. You give me hope.

I also had a new name for Justin Timby's girlfriend pop into my head when I was at the gym yesterday:
Jessica BRiel (get it? be real? no? doesn't work?)

I also wanted to mention, in regards to Sunday night's sh*tshow, that I found the James Franco/Seth Rogen thing hilarious.

And to quote the great Billy Madison regarding you, Mr. Franco:
Soooooooo hot, want to touch the heiney. Arooooo!!!!!!

He is one good looking man. And Seth Rogen, I think I have a crush on you, too.

Monday, February 23, 2009


The Oscars? Is that what that was?
I have NO idea what was going on last night and am even more shocked to read today that the ratings were up from last year. Fo realz? Is that because it was like driving by an accident where you don't want to look but you can't look away?
Poor Hugh. It was like they shot him out of a canon that had been packed with crack, musical soundtracks, spray tanner, and more crack. I just didn't get it. And Anne Hathaway makes me throw up in my mouth, but that is another story. I don't have time to go there today. Forgive my lack of photos, I am seriously blogging on the fly right now.
Things that were good (to make my Mom happy):
Bless you and your hilarious self for actually making me laugh during the ceremony at something funny. Your Joaquin imitation was brilliance.
Teenie Teense, not only did you look like a total fox, because you are, but you were also hilarious with our home boy, Stevie. Why didn't you two host the show? Why, I ask you!?
I have no idea who you are, but I think your speech was my favorite
Your song was lovely, you are really classy, my mom loves you, I loved you, too, last night. I always find you ridiculously pleasant in a non-annoying way. Way to be, Queenie.
All y'all were great and I loved your speeches. Magic trick? Loved it.
I loved the screenplay acceptance speech and I loved Sean Penn because he was just Sean Penn. I have serious adoration for him and his wife. As I said last night, "I love their volatility." I just do. And he is right...people will look back with shame in their eyes. Wake up, and smell the equality, world.
Other Things (Mom, I am going to get real neg and nasty again here, so stop reading if you can't take the heat):
What was UP with the five actors giving warm fuzzy speeches to the nominees? It was like an AA meeting or something. I was expecting Stuart Smalley to get up there to do some affirmations or for there to be some sort of group hug and a big round of Kumbya. It was just crapwhacked.
Why was he left out of the memorial video? I thought that was weird.
What was up with you? You looked like you had 2 black eyes and, as my friend PMoney perfectly observed, your dress straps, "looked like seat belts." My sister even applauded when they announced your name, you are usually such a class act, and then you came out looking like that. Major sadface over here.
I don't even know why I am wasting my time talking about you on my blog. Nevermind. I actually feel kind of bad for you. You're on the lametrain to nowhere.
You were lip syncing, your dress had a giant, red, sequined hangy thing straight down your crotch which looked turbo awkward, and, as always, your armpits totally freaked me out. Blech.

Ahhhh!!! Why???? This could have been so great! Hugh was saying the musical was finally back, but after that sh*t storm on the stage, it has gone back into the gutter. And Zac Efron and V-Hudge? And the Mamma Mia homies? Why?!?! Why?!?!! Why?!?!?!

I'm crying.
That is about as much as I can manage right now. I was, and still am, flabbergasted. What a way to end the weekend. At least my friend's Bollywood dance moves last night were great.
Jai Ho, y'all. Jai Ho.

Friday, February 20, 2009


Wahoo! It's Friday!

Play on, playa!

Had yet another hysterical spin class this morning, am about to run out the door, but wanted to wish y'all a great weekend. I get to see Noah and the Whale again this weekend and this time Ferraby Lionheart is opening for them. I'm thrilled.


Thursday, February 19, 2009


Yesterday turned me into a little bit of a crankster for a few hours for a number of reasons, but the biggest one was that it started raining.

Let me tell you something about rain: I think rain is beautiful. I know the world needs the rain. I like watching rain fall. Yadda, yadda, yadda. However, I do not like being out in the rain unless I am properly prepared. I like being home because rain is for staying under the covers, drinking tea, reading books, watching costume drammys or romcoms, and making out. Another reason I don't like the rain is because I hate it when my feet get wet unexpectedly.

I am not some weirdo who has a wet foot phobia. I can handle wet feet. I have walked around jungles in pouring rain with no shoes on, and if you think I am joking you don't know me very well. I just don't like it when I am in a city or non-jungley place, dressed normally, my feet get wet, and then I have to walk a lot in Manhattan. I hate it. I hate having wet socks and sloshy shoes.

Sooooo...It started raining randomly yesterday afternoon, I had no umbrella, and the subway was pretty packed. I was not feeling like my amazing self.

I get on the car, squeeze to the middle (move down the freaking car, people!) and end up in front of a nice looking middle aged gentleman WHO IS SITTING LIKE THE SUBWAY SEAT IS HIS LIVING ROOM COUCH. WITH HIS LEGS JUST HANGING OPEN, HIS A** SLUMPED DOWN, ARMS UP OVER THE BACK OF THE SEATS LIKE HE IS WATCHING FOOTBALL.


I do not want to stand between your legs like I am about to give you lap dance for a dollah, and I obviously cost more than that, but also if you just closed your manlegs you could fit about three more people on those seats next to you.

I looked and there was a little old lady standing next to me and her wee arms could barely hold onto the pole above her. I asked her, "Would you like to sit down?" and then I gave Couch Potato Chuck the major stick eye complete with very raised eyebrows, and then I looked at his splayed legs and gave THEM the stink eye with verrrry raised eyebrows. He paused, looked at me, reluctantly shut the gates, and suddenly there was enough room for the entire cast of the Lion King with all their animal heads and everything to sit next to him.

Granny got to sit down and she was very pleased.

So peeps, just close your legs and be aware of the people around you. The subway is not your living room and you should ALWAYS let your grandmother have a seat.

Tisk, tisk.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


This post is long over due, but whatevs. That's life.

A few weeks ago, my friend Kimtastic informed me that she had reserved 4 tickets to a taping of the Rachel Ray show. Let's just get one thing out there before this goes any further: I have never really liked Rachel Ray. At all. I've never been into cooking shows to start with and I have never been into someone who sounds like a wheezing donkey on crack cooking food for me. Rachel has always seemed turbo bananas to me. And her speaking voice makes me want to run away screaming. I want to send her to a vocal therapist. My voice coach could do WONDERS for this woman; I just feel so badly for her vocal folds.

I digress.

Needless to say, I was only going to attend this taping because it was going to be a spectacle and I was hoping to get some free food out of it.

Game on.

Kimtastic he forwarded me the confirmation email from the show and the list of what we were supposed/not supposed to wear. Please read:

all audience members must follow a business/trendy dress code.
· Sneakers
· Flip flops
· Velour pant suits or jogging suits
· Shorts
· Capri/gaucho pants
· T-shirts
· Ripped jeans
· White or off-white colors
· Sleeveless tops/tank tops
· Sequins or very busy patterns
· Hats
you'll look your best wearing solid, jewel-toned colors (deep blues,
reds, greens, etc).


If you are going to be on television would you seriously consider wearing a Velour jogging suit? If so, I think you should be allowed to be interviewed or at least sit in the front row. Who still wears GAUCHOS? I mean, who EVER wore gauchos? What is this saying for their audience demographic that they have to tell people to leave their gauchos at home?!??!


I have to say the entire experience was very pleasant, the entire staff was really nice and appreciative of everyone there, they had snacks in the waiting room, we got to take home a snack of the day from the show (which were some banging brownies from some chica in Virginia) and Salma Hayek was our guest. She seemed really nice and she has really big boobs, even when she is wearing a black sweater that technically should minimize their impact. But that girl has some big ta-tas. Good for Salma.

RacHell-To-My-Ears seemed nice enough, but she was the most nervous interviewer I have ever seen. She was so fidgety and kept getting so close to Salma I thought she was going to lick her face or something. And Rachel is into smiling. Like, really into smiling. I wanted to tell her to STOP IT. It was freaking me out.

So the kicker is that while I was in the holding room, some producer for the show came up to me and asked if I lived in the area. I said yes, and they asked me if I would be willing to come back to ask Rachel Ray a question on a show the next week. I was like, "Whateva!" and they took my Polaroid and my phone number. They sat me and my 3 adorable friends in the very front row of the show, which was hilarious. I contemplated throwing up gang signs in the middle of the taping, but I refrained.

When I got home I already had a message waiting from a producer asking if I could come in the following week, but I never called back...I don't think they were going to pay me. But I still have the voicemail, so if I get really bored I might call them back and be like, "Yo! My schedule opened up so put me on your show!"

All in all, it was highly entertaining and the studio lighting was good so the audience looks good on camera. I mean, who wants to go on TV and look like buttpie? I mean, besides the fools who want to wear velour sequined gauchos.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


I am cracking up over this article. Please see my comments amongst the hilarity. Mom, I know you're going to ream me out for this one, so let's just pretend you've already told me to "spread kindness." I did a lot of nice things yesterday and am going to do even more nice things today because it is the birthday of one of my besties. I'm like, overflowing with kindness. Just like Li'l Palin's ta-tas are probably overflowing with breastmilk.

Here you go:

Hoping to set an example for others with her own experience, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol Palin, would now like to become an advocate for preventing teen pregnancy.

"Everyone should wait 10 years," TEN YEARS FROM WHAT? FROM THE DAY YOU GET YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA? I NEED SOME CLARITY HERE the younger Palin told Greta Van Susteren on a FOX News segment that aired Monday night. "I hope people learn from my story … It's so much easier if you're married, have a house (INSTEAD OF LIVING WITH YOUR CRAZY A** MOM) and career (BESIDES BEING A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT). It's not a situation you want to strive for." HOW MANY PEOPLE STRIVE TO GET A BUN IN THE OVEN BEFORE THEY CAN VOTE? DO A LOT OF PEOPLE PUT THAT ON THEIR WISH LIST?

Palin, 18, also said in the interview – her first since the teen "made headlines" last summer during Sarah Palin's GOP vice-presidential campaign – that her mother's view of abstinence, especially in regard to teenagers, is "not realistic at all." AKA KIDS ARE GOING TO DO IT AND THEY'RE DOING IT ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

Bristol further stated that although her mother is an outspoken Right to Life advocate, "It was my choice to have the baby. It doesn't matter what my mom's views are on it. It was my decision."

Recounting how she first informed her parents, Todd and Sarah Palin, of her condition, Bristol said she gathered her boyfriend, Levi Johnston, and her best friend I'M SORRY BUT ARE WE ON THE SET OF JUNO, HERE? DID SHE TELL HER PARENTS THAT PAULIE BLEEKER GOT HER PREGNANT?, but that getting the words out of her mouth was "harder than labor." BECAUSE YOUR MOM HAS GUNS IN THE HOUSE AND USUALLY THEY DON'T KEEP RIFLES IN THE DELIVERY ROOM.

The friend broke the news to the parents, said Bristol, who also described Johnston as a "hands-on dad." She added, "Eventually we'd like to get married."

As for her new situation, "I like being a mom," said Bristol. "I love it, just seeing him smile and stuff. It's awesome." IS IT AWESOME WHEN YOU HAVE TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT AND CHANGE HIS DIAPERS INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE PROM WITH PAULIE BLEEKER? PROLLY NOT.

Appearing late in the interview, carrying her grandson Tripp Johnston, Gov. Palin said, "Hey, life happens." EXCUSE ME? YO, SH*T HAPPENS? YOU KNOW THIS IS WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE SAID IF SHE HAD BEEN ELECTED AND THE UNITED STATES FELL APART. Of her unwed, teenage daughter's pregnancy, she said, "Not the most ideal situation, certainly you make the most of it." AGAIN, SOMETHING SHE WOULD HAVE SAID IF SHE HAD BEEN ELECTED AND MADE THE UNITED STATES FALL APART.


How are those lists coming, skillets? I have 3 left out of my 9 for this month. One of them, I must admit, is making me wonder how I am going to make it happen, but happen it will! Because it is on the list! I love having my list on the wall right next to my bed because I get to look at it right before I fall asleep and it stays in my brain.

Ok, just wanted to see how y'all are doing with getting activated.

In other related news, this guy:

Mickey Rourke, also known as Crazy-Face-Scare-The-Beejesus-Out-Of-Me-McGee has won me over a little bit because of this piece of news:

"Mickey Rourke was stopped at Heathrow airport for being over the luggage limit, after it was revealed his suitcases were jam-packed full of shoes.

The award-winning actor had over packed his luggage and was told to redistribute his shoes into other suitcases, before he could board his flight.

Rourke was on his way home to New York on Wednesday, after an eight-day stay in London, where he was awarded a best actor BAFTA for his role in hit movie, The Wrestler.

An airline source told The Mirror: "It was really weird and extraordinary to watch, Five-and-a-half stone- 36kg- of shoes is one heck of a lot of shoes, especially for a bloke."

"Staff thought at first he must have had his BAFTA in his case," the source added."

To clarify, 5-1/2 stone is about 77lbs. Mickster had almost EIGHTY POUNDS OF SHOES IN HIS BAG.

You HAVE to love that.

I love shoes, so I totally respect Mickey's choice, even if he gives me the willies.

Saturday, February 14, 2009


Happy Valentine's Day, my lovelies.

I hope you remember to hug the ones you love, love the one your with, that love is all around, love is in the air, and what the world needs now is love sweet love.

I love each and every one of you and I hope you have a great day.

Keep living, laughing, and loving.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Yesterday it was like spring in NYC. It was 60 degrees, sunny, and perfect. I was walking around all day in a DRESS. Yes, a DRESS and FLIP FLOPS. I know. I know. It was out of this world.

I was walking down 10th Street and all of the sudden I heard the Bee Gees', "Stayin' Alive" blaring from somewhere. Loud music blaring from an undisclosed location is not unheard of in the East Village, but this was reallllly loud. I noticed others looking in a certain direction so I turned my head. And there he was.

A huge dude with long curly black hair on a custom made motorcycle, bright cherry read, with built in speakers in the back. The music was coming from him. I was dying.

I especially died when the two 15 year old boys walking towards me started doing the John Travolta, "Saturday Night Fever" strut exactly, and snapped and winked at me as they walked by. It was classic.

I gotta get me one of them bikes.


Bill Murray was playing in this year's Pebble Beach Pro-Am golf tournament.

(so was Huey Lew, who taught us all about the power of love).

This man is my hero.

I went to this tourny when I was a kid because my uncle is a golfer and was playing. I believe I was upset because no one would let me drive the golf carts, but Joe Pesci did give me his autograph. I liked him a lot in Home Alone.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I was on the subway yesterday around 3:30pm and all the high school kids were on my train. A young fellow steps on wearing what I will call "thug chic" apparel. He had on really nice skinny jeans, but they were sagged below his butt. He had on a giant hoodie sweatshirt but it was covered with blue and gold metallic designs of doodles that looked like they had been drawn by a first grade girl (I think I spotted a pony). He was also rocking a pseudo-Von Dutch hat, which was quite the throw back. While talking to his lady friend, he turned around and I notice something in his backpack. You know the part of the backpack that is on the side, made of mesh and is for your water bottle? Do you know what was in this pocket?


I sh*t you not. A big, square, bottle of cologne was sloshing around in there, visible to everyone. I was dying. DYING. I am so glad that he was far enough away from me that I couldn't smell him, so I could just relish in the spectacle. But seriously, is that the new thing? Do kids display their cologne bottles instead of their Nalgenes covered in stickers?

It totally made my day.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


Thanks to Josebee for sending this to me.

Friday, February 6, 2009


I lurv this band and I lurv this song.  Have a great Friday.   I know I already am.  

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


The day before the inauguration, my sister and I went sledding with two of our buddies. The snow was falling, it was gorgeous out, and we had a B-L-A-S-T. Let me tell ya. The sister and I started off on a hill that was a bit too small...

I still managed to slam myself into a tree and the seven year old boy next to me came over and sweetly asked, "Are you okay?" It made me feel a little bit old. But it was great. And there was a fellow walking his dog who told us about a bigger hill down the way, so as a thank you I asked him if he wanted to ride our sled and he said, "Yes!" So I watched his pooch while he took a turn and it was good fun. I love New Yorkers. And I love dogs!

The hill he recommended was FIERCE. Our buddies, Diwata and Golden Retriever, came to meet us and we were flying down that thing like nobody's business. We were definitely the oldest people out there but we were very skilled and showed the youngins how we roll. It was genius because the city had put bails of hay down at the bottom, so you could slam into them and fall off without getting hurt. Brilliance.

Good form, Diwata.

Urban outdoor entertainment.

I was cracking up the entire time.

Things got crazy.

And he needed a ride home because he was overcome with all of the excitement.

It was like Narnia (check the lamp post!) when we were walking back home. I will probably be naming one of my daughter's Lucy.

So fun. A great outdoor activity followed by yummy food from Shake Shack. Perfecto.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


HIYA!  Been real busy here in the life of this here blogger.  Had my first band practice last night and we, well, rocked.  I am really excited about it and I must say it was nice to make some beeyoutiful music.  I can't even begin to tell you how much I love singing and playing music.  It makes me feel alive, alive-o.

Kimtastic forwarded me these links (where she finds these things, I know not) but I find them pretty neat-o.  

The first one is a website where you can find bathrooms.  It is called Sit or Squat.  You can put in a city anywhere in the world, click on a neighborhood, and find bathrooms!  They have the address and you can download the application to your blackberry or iPhone so if you are out and about and need to wee you can find a place to go.  Technology these days.  I tell ya.

Meet In Between let's you figure out where you can meet someone in the middle.  Love it.

And THIS helps you find a happy hour going on wherever you are at anytime.  Lord knows we have all found ourselves needing a stiff one at 10:00am.  Or not...

There are lots of things on the horizon, like my up and coming fame as a rockstar.  I also have to start apartment hunting with my roomie, Larkita, because our sublet is up.  Did you know that we have been friends for 11 years??  11!  And the number just keeps getting bigger.  I love that.

On Thursday I will be attending a taping of the Rachel Ray Show.  We are going because Kimtastic got us tickets.  It is going to be hilarious and I am planning on being extremely animated so I get on camera.  I really don't like the Rayster at all (sorry, Mom, but you have to get over it) but I think the people watching is going to be off the chain.  I will definitely be posting about the experience.

Ok, off to the theatre.  Peace!