Thursday, February 19, 2009


Yesterday turned me into a little bit of a crankster for a few hours for a number of reasons, but the biggest one was that it started raining.

Let me tell you something about rain: I think rain is beautiful. I know the world needs the rain. I like watching rain fall. Yadda, yadda, yadda. However, I do not like being out in the rain unless I am properly prepared. I like being home because rain is for staying under the covers, drinking tea, reading books, watching costume drammys or romcoms, and making out. Another reason I don't like the rain is because I hate it when my feet get wet unexpectedly.

I am not some weirdo who has a wet foot phobia. I can handle wet feet. I have walked around jungles in pouring rain with no shoes on, and if you think I am joking you don't know me very well. I just don't like it when I am in a city or non-jungley place, dressed normally, my feet get wet, and then I have to walk a lot in Manhattan. I hate it. I hate having wet socks and sloshy shoes.

Sooooo...It started raining randomly yesterday afternoon, I had no umbrella, and the subway was pretty packed. I was not feeling like my amazing self.

I get on the car, squeeze to the middle (move down the freaking car, people!) and end up in front of a nice looking middle aged gentleman WHO IS SITTING LIKE THE SUBWAY SEAT IS HIS LIVING ROOM COUCH. WITH HIS LEGS JUST HANGING OPEN, HIS A** SLUMPED DOWN, ARMS UP OVER THE BACK OF THE SEATS LIKE HE IS WATCHING FOOTBALL.


I do not want to stand between your legs like I am about to give you lap dance for a dollah, and I obviously cost more than that, but also if you just closed your manlegs you could fit about three more people on those seats next to you.

I looked and there was a little old lady standing next to me and her wee arms could barely hold onto the pole above her. I asked her, "Would you like to sit down?" and then I gave Couch Potato Chuck the major stick eye complete with very raised eyebrows, and then I looked at his splayed legs and gave THEM the stink eye with verrrry raised eyebrows. He paused, looked at me, reluctantly shut the gates, and suddenly there was enough room for the entire cast of the Lion King with all their animal heads and everything to sit next to him.

Granny got to sit down and she was very pleased.

So peeps, just close your legs and be aware of the people around you. The subway is not your living room and you should ALWAYS let your grandmother have a seat.

Tisk, tisk.

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