Wednesday, February 18, 2009


This post is long over due, but whatevs. That's life.

A few weeks ago, my friend Kimtastic informed me that she had reserved 4 tickets to a taping of the Rachel Ray show. Let's just get one thing out there before this goes any further: I have never really liked Rachel Ray. At all. I've never been into cooking shows to start with and I have never been into someone who sounds like a wheezing donkey on crack cooking food for me. Rachel has always seemed turbo bananas to me. And her speaking voice makes me want to run away screaming. I want to send her to a vocal therapist. My voice coach could do WONDERS for this woman; I just feel so badly for her vocal folds.

I digress.

Needless to say, I was only going to attend this taping because it was going to be a spectacle and I was hoping to get some free food out of it.

Game on.

Kimtastic he forwarded me the confirmation email from the show and the list of what we were supposed/not supposed to wear. Please read:

all audience members must follow a business/trendy dress code.
· Sneakers
· Flip flops
· Velour pant suits or jogging suits
· Shorts
· Capri/gaucho pants
· T-shirts
· Ripped jeans
· White or off-white colors
· Sleeveless tops/tank tops
· Sequins or very busy patterns
· Hats
you'll look your best wearing solid, jewel-toned colors (deep blues,
reds, greens, etc).


If you are going to be on television would you seriously consider wearing a Velour jogging suit? If so, I think you should be allowed to be interviewed or at least sit in the front row. Who still wears GAUCHOS? I mean, who EVER wore gauchos? What is this saying for their audience demographic that they have to tell people to leave their gauchos at home?!??!


I have to say the entire experience was very pleasant, the entire staff was really nice and appreciative of everyone there, they had snacks in the waiting room, we got to take home a snack of the day from the show (which were some banging brownies from some chica in Virginia) and Salma Hayek was our guest. She seemed really nice and she has really big boobs, even when she is wearing a black sweater that technically should minimize their impact. But that girl has some big ta-tas. Good for Salma.

RacHell-To-My-Ears seemed nice enough, but she was the most nervous interviewer I have ever seen. She was so fidgety and kept getting so close to Salma I thought she was going to lick her face or something. And Rachel is into smiling. Like, really into smiling. I wanted to tell her to STOP IT. It was freaking me out.

So the kicker is that while I was in the holding room, some producer for the show came up to me and asked if I lived in the area. I said yes, and they asked me if I would be willing to come back to ask Rachel Ray a question on a show the next week. I was like, "Whateva!" and they took my Polaroid and my phone number. They sat me and my 3 adorable friends in the very front row of the show, which was hilarious. I contemplated throwing up gang signs in the middle of the taping, but I refrained.

When I got home I already had a message waiting from a producer asking if I could come in the following week, but I never called back...I don't think they were going to pay me. But I still have the voicemail, so if I get really bored I might call them back and be like, "Yo! My schedule opened up so put me on your show!"

All in all, it was highly entertaining and the studio lighting was good so the audience looks good on camera. I mean, who wants to go on TV and look like buttpie? I mean, besides the fools who want to wear velour sequined gauchos.

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