As of now, we have not located anything from the Staples catalogue that matches what I'm looking for. Some things that could be marketed by Staples as a "Desktop Sanity Saver"
1. Tim Riggins sheets to put over everything in your office.
*Side note: why don't they sell these? They sold NKOTB sheets. Although we all know that I love NKOTB like nobody's business, Tim Riggins blowz them out of the water with his hotness factor by like, at least a billion percent. At least. Joey's blue eyes are great, but Number 33's everything makes me weak in the bodyparts.
2. Drinking Helmets.
3. Turning said desk into a chocolate fountain.
That's all I've got for now. If you have any better ideas, please let me know.